Niceness is great, and it has its effects on how you come across when you present yourself. But you are shortchanging yourself if you only use those communication tools that are intuitively associated with niceness. There’s more available that can help you produce the results you’re after.
Check out the latest thoughts from Pete, and share your response below!
I’ve worked with a lot of genuinely nice people over the years.
They’re thoughtful. They’re considerate. They don’t want to be pushy. They don’t want to be judged negatively.
And because of that, they often hold back.
The result? Their ideas don’t land with the weight they deserve.
When you’re focused on being liked, it’s easy to soften your message:
I know this because I used to do it.
I thought of myself as easygoing—someone who didn’t want to “cross swords” with anyone. If I felt my opinion might land poorly, I’d keep it to myself.
Over time, that becomes a habit. A muscle.
And it’s a strong one.
In leadership presence coaching and business speaking, this is one of the most common patterns we see.
At some point, I realized something had to change.
If I wanted to contribute, influence, and lead conversations, I needed to:
That meant breaking through the habit of holding back.
And what helped me do that might surprise you.
The breakthrough came from an unexpected place: anger.
Or what we often call “mad energy.”
There’s a famous line: “Anger is an energy.”
And it’s true.
The question is how you use it.
In executive presence coaching and confident presence work, we don’t use anger to attack people.
We use it to amplify conviction.
There’s a big difference between:
When you channel that energy toward something positive:
What others experience isn’t anger.
They experience passion and conviction.
In group presentation coaching and sales pitch coaching, this shift is often what transforms a “nice but quiet” communicator into someone people actually listen to.
That “nice” muscle—holding yourself back—is powerful.
To move past it, you need something equally powerful.
That’s where this energy comes in.
It helps you:
In networking coaching, interview skills training for professionals, and business development communication training, this is a critical unlock.
If you’re someone who identifies as “nice” and finds yourself holding back, try this:
Next time you have something you believe in, don’t just say it.
Put energy behind it.
Not aggression. Not hostility.
Energy.
Let yourself care about it enough to sound like it matters.
You don’t need to stop being nice.
You don’t need to become someone you’re not.
But you do need to let your voice carry the weight of what you believe.
Because when you do, people don’t see you as pushy.
They see you as someone worth listening to.
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