Invalidators tend to have the effect of shutting down possibility while invalidating the person offering the possibility at the same time. In today’s post, Dean offers some insights on how to respond to them in a way that keeps possibility alive and that preserves the validity of those offering that possibility.
We’ve all experienced it.
Someone shares an idea… and almost immediately, another person shuts it down:
This is what I call invalidating behavior.
And it’s more than just disagreeing with an idea—it often shuts down the person who shared it.
Most of the time, invalidators aren’t trying to be difficult.
They’re protecting something:
Change can feel threatening.
So instead of exploring a new idea, they shut it down quickly.
In leadership presence coaching and business development communication training, we see this dynamic often—especially in high-stakes conversations where people feel pressure to be “right.”
Invalidating doesn’t just stop one idea.
It creates an environment where people hesitate to speak at all.
Over time, that leads to:
And that impacts everything—from internal teamwork to group presentation coaching outcomes and client interactions.
There’s a big difference between invalidating and constructively redirecting.
Instead of shutting something down, you can:
For example:
“I like that direction. Here’s what stands out to me. There may be a few risks we should think through…”
This keeps the conversation open—and keeps people engaged.
If you’re on the receiving end of invalidation, here are three approaches that work:
Your first instinct might be to shut down or push back.
Instead, choose your state.
Bring a sense of calm—or even lightness—into the moment.
This is a key element of confident presence and leadership confidence training. Your reaction shapes what happens next.
You don’t need to attack the person.
But you can name the behavior.
For example:
“That feels a bit like we’re shutting the idea down quickly. Can we take a moment to explore it?”
When done with the right tone, this creates awareness without escalating tension.
This might sound counterintuitive—but it works.
Often, invalidators want their experience to be recognized.
So give it to them:
“You’ve got a lot of experience here, and I can see where you’re coming from…”
When you validate them, it becomes harder for them to continue invalidating others.
This is a powerful technique in Presence Coaching and executive presence coaching.
This isn’t just about protecting yourself.
It’s about protecting the room.
When you address invalidating behavior, you make it safer for others to share ideas.
You create space for better thinking, better collaboration, and stronger outcomes.
This is critical in business speaking, team environments, and any setting where ideas matter.
One of my favorite perspectives is this:
You don’t have to defeat the invalidator—you can win them over.
By staying grounded, calling out the behavior, and building a connection, you shift the dynamic.
You move from conflict… to collaboration.
At the end of the day, every team has moments where ideas are challenged.
That’s healthy.
But how those challenges are handled determines whether the team grows—or shuts down.
When you step in and guide the conversation, you’re not just protecting an idea.
You’re shaping the culture.
And that’s where real leadership shows up.
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