When you unintentionally offend someone, your actions played a part in creating hurt feelings, no matter what you intended. But since you didn’t intend anything problematic, it can be hard to apologize. Nevertheless, you still can, and you will benefit from it. In today’s post, Pete offers up his own story as an experience we all can benefit from.
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I recently had a frustrating exchange with someone, and I want to share what happened because the lesson is valuable for anyone working on leadership presence, business development communication, or general client relationship skills. It started simply—we were texting back and forth, just sharing information. Then out of nowhere, he told me I had insulted him.
I was stunned. I hadn’t intended anything of the sort. In my world, an insult requires intention. At worst, I had accidentally offended him—which meant he inferred something I wasn’t implying. In AEC interview preparation, presentation coaching, and leadership communication training, this exact dynamic comes up all the time: intention versus interpretation.
Thankfully, I didn’t fire back. I paused, took a breath, and asked what was going on. That moment of confident presence saved the conversation. Later, I realized there were emotions on both sides—his and mine. Even if the words look neutral on paper, emotionally charged communication can shift tone instantly, whether it’s during a shortlist interview, a virtual presentation, or a business development conversation.
I realized quickly that if I tried to argue definitions—insult versus offense, intention versus interpretation—it would have escalated. And this is exactly where leadership presence coaching becomes essential. You cannot resolve conflict by proving you’re technically correct. You resolve it by connecting.
So I apologized for insulting him, even though my intention was different. I used his language, not mine. And using the other person’s language is a powerful leadership and communication tool—it works in executive presence coaching, sales pitch coaching, networking coaching, and project interview preparation. Once he accepted the apology, we could finally unravel what actually happened.
Here’s the real takeaway: correctness doesn’t resolve conflict—ownership does. Blame shuts people down. Responsibility reopens connection. In both team communication and AEC presentation skills training, we teach that ownership gives you influence. It gives you the power to move a conversation forward instead of letting it deteriorate.
Emotion
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