Why Do We Hate Public Speaking?

[Music] I was at a graduation event the other day this was the tail end of a training program for a bunch of construction folks I was only in the room as an observer and the event kind of climaxed with all of the participants in the training program getting up and talking about two things that they had gotten from the program I think there were 18 graduates and of these 18 I think a dozen of them at least vividly communicated that they hated this process of getting up in front of the room to talk and at the same time a vast bulk of these 12 to 18 folks said that they had gotten a lot out of the program and that much of what they got out of the program was that they hated talking in front of groups less so it kind of beged the question for me why do people hate public speaking so much why do we hate to get in front of other people and we fear going up in front of a room full of people who are going to judge us and I think it’s understandable I think it’s very natural because we judge ourselves we judge other people we just do something tells me the most judgmental people in the world fear being judged more than non-judgmental people or less judgmental people because we all imagine that everybody is judging us as much as we judge them I think we just sort of need to come to terms with this because it is true people judge us we judge each other we do it all the time we assess each other we decide things about each other the best thing that we can do when we get up in front of other folks who are going to judge us is to put our attention somewhere other than the fact that we are being judged as soon as we recognize in the moment that we’re being judged our attention goes here and it radically affects our presence we show up as nervous and self-conscious we look like we’re being judged and judg poorly we feel like the people out there are deciding something about us that we don’t want how do we get past this how do we stop dwell dwelling on the fact that we are getting judged first of all we just need to decide yep I’m being judged it’s really okay second thing to do is give ourselves a mission when we’re presenting and the mission has to be of service to our audience in some way we need to be there for our audience we need to be there to make a positive difference for our audience if we’re there for a positive impact on the people that we’re talking to then our attention goes off of us and onto them in a productive way we’re not looking at our audience as judges anymore we’re looking at our audience as recipients of something that we want to give them so in the case of this event that I was spectating that I was observing I would recommend that these folks get in front of their audience with a mission of appreciating the audience consistently when the folks speaking in that room that I was observing in when they thanked the person who led the program when they thanked the organization who hosted it their presence improved they enjoyed themselves more they smiled and it was because their attention was going off of them and on to the people that they were actively appreciating and Not only was their attention getting off of themselves but they were going to someplace positive they were looking for something to enjoy looking for something to appreciate and it was 100% reasonable in that moment for them to talk about their appreciation because this was a graduation and they were there to celebrate they were there to talk about something good something that they had gotten from this thing so let me just leave you with that to ponder the next time you get in front of your audience before you go in front of your audience decide for yourself what’s your mission what are you there to do for your audience if you can get that firmly lodged in your head that will give you a place to go