Feedback Sandwich

Why the Traditional Feedback Sandwich Falls Short

I recently read an article that challenged the classic “feedback sandwich”—you know, compliment, criticism, compliment. The intention behind it is good: soften the blow, reassure the person you don’t dislike them, and then deliver the tough message. But the problem is, people can feel the criticism lurking behind that first compliment. There’s a vibe. And that vibe often makes the whole thing worse.

Most of us can sense when a “nice job on your slides…” is just the setup for “…but here’s everything that’s wrong.” Because the emotional undercurrent isn’t appreciation—it’s anticipation. The person braces for impact, and the compliments lose their meaning.

A Better Alternative: The Appreciation Sandwich

Instead of using compliments as padding, I suggest something more authentic and far more effective: an appreciation sandwich.

This approach begins before you speak. Take a moment to ask yourself: What do I genuinely appreciate about this person? Not their performance—them. Their character. Their effort. Their intentions. Their heart.

That internal shift matters because it shapes your emotional presence. When you approach someone grounded in genuine appreciation, they feel safe. They feel cared for. They feel seen.

How the Appreciation Sandwich Works

• Start with appreciation. Bring warmth, respect, and genuine value for the person into the conversation. Let them feel it.
• Give your feedback. Deliver it clearly, directly, and compassionately. They’ll be far more open because safety is already established.
• End with deeper appreciation. Reinforce their worth, their effort, and your belief in them—not as a tactic, but as a truth.

Why Appreciation Works Better Than Compliments

Compliments focus on performance. Appreciation focuses on the human being. Compliments can feel transactional. Appreciation feels relational.

And here’s the key: appreciation creates the emotional vibe that makes hard conversations easier. When people feel valued, they don’t brace. They open. They listen. They grow.

So try shifting from “compliment–critique–compliment” to “appreciate–feedback–appreciate.” You’ll find your conversations land better, hurt less, and build far more trust.