I recently read an interesting article that downplayed the value of the traditional “feedback sandwich,” where you start with a compliment, provide negative feedback, then end with another compliment. While the idea of softening the blow with compliments is good, the article pointed out that it has some drawbacks. People can often see the criticism coming and it can end up making the situation worse, even though the intention was to let them know that you don’t hate them when giving negative feedback.
The reason this approach often doesn’t work is due to the “vibe” that is present with the criticism—people can feel the criticism lurking behind the compliment, so the compliment-criticize-compliment structure is less effective than once thought.
As an alternative, I suggest an “appreciation sandwich.” The idea is to come into the situation with genuine warmth and care for the person you’re providing feedback to. Start by asking yourself what you appreciate about this person, how you care about them. Meet them with the warmth of appreciating them, then provide your feedback. After giving your feedback, end by appreciating them heavily.
By focusing on appreciation rather than compliments, you create an emotional vibe and warmth that increases safety and trust in the moment.
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